When it comes to the advice and tools on this website, we often tell you to become the best version of yourself for you and yourself only.

Despite this important message, you see revenge fantasies like “I will show them all” and other videos by butthurt men who were fucked over by women (and other people) all over TikTok and Instagram.

While this article is a shorter one compared to others on this website, it’s certainly one of the most important ones, at least if you don’t want to waste time when it comes to your self-improvement journey.

“Dancing like a monkey” in this case describes the process of doing something in order to get a positive reaction from someone else. We will see shortly why that’s a terrible idea.

The trap most men fall into

Many men (and women, for that matter, but you’re not the focus of this article) start the mission to become their best self under a false pretense. These false assumptions usually incorporate some of the following mental models:

• If I just improve myself enough, my wife/ girlfriend will finally come around and have sex with me / like me again
• If I just improve myself enough, women will finally like me for who I am, see my value and treat me well
• If I just improve myself enough, others will finally see my value and treat me like a decent human being.

After two years (according to many examples from men who bought into this fallacy) the curtain finally falls and the theatre is over.

At this point, after wasting two years, men finally recognize that they kept themselves on fire to keep others warm and only ever started their journey to become their best self in order to please someone else.

Essentially, these men have been dancing like a monkey in front of their/ a woman or other people to get some “coins and applause” as a reward.

Don’t ask us why it’s always two years, it is what it is. There are enough examples in spaces like this to know that this is true. If after two years, you have to ask what a shit test is and how they look like, you’ve done something wrong.

Men mostly wake up because:

• Their wife / girlfriend still treats them like shit and doesn’t sleep with them
• Women still don’t give them the time of the day (while they cry in their lambos)
• Other people still treat them like punching bags

Why “dancing like a monkey” doesn’t work

If you start improving yourself because you want to please somebody else, you essentially place the responsibility to judge your “new self” onto the shoulders of someone else.

It doesn’t matter if that someone is your wife, other women or just other people in general.

You have to realize that these people (and especially women) can smell this shit on you. This is because:

• You still seek validation from them (you want them to recognize you changed)
• You still treat them as the ultimate judge of your actions
• You still light yourself on fire to keep others warm

While you started going to the gym to build an amazing body, got that promotion at your job, dress better, wear some cologne and even learned some power dynamics and seduction tactics, you’re still doing all this shit to please other people.

In other words, you still live in the world (and thus in the frame) of someone else. Essentially, you wasted time in trying to become a version of yourself other people would approve of.

How other people (and especially women) react to you dancing like a monkey

Other people recognize that you placed the role of the final judge of your behavior on their shoulder and (most often) resent you for it. This is the case for three reasons:

• The power lies completely on their side and you still operate in their frame.

• They know that you would stop improving yourself immediately if they asked you to stop and, in exchange, promised to hold up to their end of the bargain. While some other people might enjoy this power and use it to get the most out of you, women will hate you for the power you relented to them (see third Point).

• Women can’t handle the responsibility of being the sole focus of your life and will resent you for still putting them on a pedestal. They will actively sabotage anything you try in order to get them to like you and see right through your charade.

If you read on this blog, you will (hopefully) know that women always test you to see if you’re a high-value man. These tests act as a tool to determine if you’re really attractive, or if the attraction they feel is just a fake signal.

By putting up hurdles for you to overcome, women essentially try to figure out if the attraction they feel for you is real, or if it’s not.  If you’re operating in their frame, you will not be able to deal with these tests effectively.

In not dealing with these tests effectively, you confirm to them that their attraction to you was indeed a fake signal.

The problem here is that you still didn’t shed your nice-guy behaviors and still didn’t learn how to build your own frame (your own worldview on how you live your life and interact with people around you). You still didn’t learn how to be attractive and not be unattractive.

TRULY improving yourself requires work

Because being attractive and not being unattractive requires work. It requires hard fucking work.

Improving yourself without an agenda for other people requires an extreme level of outcome-independence. You need to do this for you. Women and good treatment from other people will follow as a consequence of YOU leveling up. Not because you want other people to recognize your changes.

You have to not give a fuck if people like you while you’re trying to become the best version of yourself. Otherwise, this house of cards will collapse faster than you can count to ten.

Frankly, 90% of men are not willing to do the work and therefore fail to see this journey through for themselves. They would rather continue feeling like a victim and indulge in their narcissistic fantasies that people should like them for them. Even if their “being themselves” means that they’re a fat, unattractive POS.

Final thoughts

Because having your worldview challenged and realizing that, what you’ve done wrong is your own mistake, requires you to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Most people don’t like their worldview challenged.

That’s why we’re at where we’re at.

If you’re reading here, you’re at least trying to put some effort in. However, this amount of effort aside…

Are you willing to do some work in the real world? If not, you’re better off closing this website and continuing living a miserable existence.

Maybe you will wake up in a few months years, once you’ve had your heart broken again or are still a virgin.

Cheers, ConquerAndElevate