In this article, we’ll learn how to display leadership in the dating phase in order to successfully complete the seduction process. While the following paragraphs are probably more interesting for men primarily, we have also included some solid lessons for women at the end of it.

Keep in mind that leadership is not only important during the dating phase but also if you decide to enter a relationship with a woman.

1: General Principles

There are several principles we want you to follow in order to lead girls the right way.

• Focus on being a man with high-value

That’s already a good 70% of her wanting to follow you. Being a man with purpose who knows where he’s going will make women more likely to follow your lead because of your competence.

• Focus on adding value with your leadership

It’s generally better strategy to focus on creating win-win situations with your leadership. Make the pie bigger for both of you! Nobody likes a value-taking leader whose leadership only benefits himself.

• Don’t be afraid of telling your woman what to do

Men need to stop complying with every request and ask for nothing in return. This is bad strategy. Let her help you with things or tell her to do things. Women like to be helpful to a man and want to feel like they’re contributing to something.

Most men have a self-sacrifical attitude when it comes to these things and want to do everything themselves. However, think about it from the from the female perspective: If she never has to do anything for you and you buckle to each and every request… Who has the power in the relationship?

Generally speaking, the power should lie on the male side in the relationship, as this holds the attraction high. However, this also means that you must see that the power stays on your side.

• Work your way up when it comes to requests

Especially at the beginning of an interaction, we recommend you try to “escalate” the tasking the same way you would escalate physically. You could for example go from “tell me about you” to “show me your tattoo” to “let’s go sit there” to “I’ll show you my place, let’s go”, this is a good and natural leadership progression

• Calibrate the next steps until she complies

If a woman refuses your request, rebuild some goodwill, some rapport and some value before trying to lead things in the right direction again. If she complies, keep going.

• Take her opinion into account

Remember LUCA? This is a tool we talked about where you can showcase that you take your woman’s opinion into account. It’s very important to lead things from a collaborative mindstate, especially for long-term relationships. Lead with the frame of “we’re in this together” instead of going full Drill-Sergeant style.

•  Present your ideas convincingely

Instead of just going “Let’s go back to my place”, say something like “It’s winding down here, come over and let me show you the view from my balcony, it’s breathtaking at night”. Not only does this make you seem more convincing, but you also give the woman an “excuse” for going along with the seduction process without feeling like a slut.

If you seduce her while you’re at your place, she can later say that she went back with you because you just wanted to show her the view from your balcony and then things “ just happened™ “.

• Use well known principles of persuasion
• Because: Adding “because” to your requests increases compliance: “let’s go sit there because here it’s too noisy”
• Pick your battles: Ignore or avoid getting bogged down in unhelpful frames or requests
• Assume compliance: In make or break situations, simply assume she will follow your lead

Leadership in general = better leadership in seduction

What is the best way to lead the seduction process (and women, for that matter) in the right direction?

You want to lead anywhere else in life. Being a leader outside of seduction helps you to become a more efficient and value-giving leader. This is going to translate well when it comes to seduction. Here are some tips to exemplify what we mean:

• Have a “manager” position at work, like team leader or department leader or something like this
• Launch a business where you call the shots (could also be a side hustle)
• Get into leadership roles in your slubs/sports groups
• Build a social circle from scratch with you as the leading figure
• Teach something you are very knowledgeable In to others
• Be assertive in your relationships whenever needed
• Take dancing lessons (Yes, dancing lessons increase your leadership skills, especially if you learn couple dances)

2: Lead the way when you’re with your woman

This more so relates to how you interact with your woman and the world when you’re with her. Essentially, it comes down to two things:

• Lead her more
• Ask her to do things for you
• Decide on the future course of action
• Decide on what to do and where to go

Asking her to do things is important because, as we mentioned before, so-called “tasking” is a good indicator where the power lies in the relationship. Those who assign tasks tend to be the leaders.

A woman who executes your tasks subcommunicates that she sees you as the leader of the relationship and accepts your attempts to lead the way (and her).

In addition to this, the more she accepts a man’s leadership as the relationship progresses, the higher the likelihood that the woman will accept this man as a lover as well. This is why we are so big on getting a girl to comply during the seduction process. Her compliance signals investment, and investment signals interest.

Executing your tasks is not just a sign that a woman likes you. It also increases attraction.

That’s why it’s so crucial that you’re not afraid of telling women to do some small things for you. Don’t think you must be this independent man who does everything for himself. From a standpoint of hypergamy, this makes you less attractive, as you’re putting her on a pedestal through never letting her do things for you.

If you never ask for her help, that must mean that she’s higher value than you and don’t want to “bother” her with things. Women then ask themselves if you’re really as high-value as they first thought you are.

I have to put in a disclaimer here: This doesn’t mean that you don’t do shit on your own anymore and don’t lead with example. It only means that you seek her support. It also doesn’t mean that you let her run around and bring you things all the time.

As always, it’s about calibration here. Tasking and leading could also mean that you ask her to sit next to you or to give you a kiss or something like that. Of course, you can ask your woman to do things for you, but don’t be the dude who sits there like a prick and lets his woman run his life.

3: Move things forward

Moving things forward towards their goals is what good leaders must do. In order to be successful at this task, they must move things forward with confidence and at the right pace.

Many men commonly make the mistake of being too abrupt, ordering commands or trying to move things forward when she doesn’t want to (yet). If you try to lead your interactions in this way, you’re going into win-lose territory much more instead of moving things towards win-win.

Although some women react favorably to this type of leadership, it’s still not as effective as a more calibrated and win-win related approach.

Keep the following in mind:

Leading things forward is winning, but winning at all costs can quickly turn into losing

As a rule of thumb, it is better to lead with a cooperative framework than to “steamroll” a woman. Steamrolling her may work with some women. However, moving things in the right direction when she’s in a collaborative framework and ready to be led will work with everyone.

There is absolutely no doubt that you generally want to always appear confident, preserve your power and have high value. However, avoid thinking in such a way that you must always win or “gain control of the frame.”

“Having to win” is a poor leadership method that is not nearly as effective and, when taken to extremes, is potentially abusive.

The attitude of “having to win at all costs” also demonstrates a fragile ego.

It is men who are afraid of having their egos bruised who must win at all costs. Most of the time, it is pathological and abusive men who always need to overpower women. Avoid being too curt, aggressive and rude when displaying your leadership. An approach like this may be dominant but demonstrates rather poor leadership skills.

Your task is to lead forward while retaining her goodwill.

If your leadership approach centers around winning, pushing her around and soothing your own ego, you sour the relationship. We probably don’t have to tell you that this increases the chances that she will eject or reject your leadership.

Again, we go back to the basics: think pull, instead of push, and collaborative and win-win frames within value-adding leadership.

A more forceful leadership approach might work in some circumstances, but in general, it will result in much more pushback, resistance and drives more women away from you than pulling them into your frame.

When we had to nail down the circumstances in which a more “asshole” leadership approach might work, it would be with short-term relationship structures. On the other hand, this leadership style will probably not work for relationships and struggles to keep mentally healthy high-quality women around.

You’re much better off using the more tender-defender and collaborative type of leadership for longer term situations.

When fear arises, risking beats doing nothing every time

Leading things during the seduction process requires risk.

In this case, the risk is that your leadership is rejected and your ego gets a damper.

However, don’t let this hold you back. You have to be outcome-independent, which means that it’s okay if things work out, but it’s also fine if things don’t work out. Being rejected from one girl isn’t the end of the world. Every interaction teaches you valuable lessons for the next time and you will improve in your skills, even if things don’t work out for you.

Therefore, rather than fearing this risk, embrace it and take action anyway. Don’t let the outcomes affect you too much.

Having mental and emotional control is the true foundation of an empowered life.

4: Screen for women who are able to follow your leadership

If your goals are anything similar to the below mentioned ones, you want to screen for women who are able to follow the leadership of a man. This is the most effective way to:

1. Getting quick sex
2. Finding women who are into you
3. Getting into a relationship with a woman who likes you

We encourage you to meet multiple women, discard the ones who resist your leadership and move forward with the women who happily accept being led by you.

In the western world, it can be hard to find a woman who accepts your leadership, as feminist values are deeply ingrained in women’s heads here. We therefore encourage you to screen women for a traditional mindset, since these women are often more likely to accept the leadership of a man.

You will see the difference when you meet a woman who wants to follow your leadership: You will have great chemistry with this woman, things will flow naturally and smoothly and she will appreciate you and your qualities. Obviously, this makes for a great partner, no matter if short-term or long-term

Power/ Leadership showdowns in seduction and escalation to sex

Having covered all the basics, we will now dive into some more serious power-dynamics and deciding situations when it comes to the seduction process and especially the final stages of it.

A showdown in this case refers to interpersonal escalations, which resemble a “tug of war” when it comes to who holds the power in the interaction. Depending on the outcome of the tug of war, you either gain power in the interaction or lose it. Therefore, a showdown has a huge influence over what happens next between two people and how their relationship develops.

While these showdowns can happen in day-to-day interactions, with family members and at work, they also happen during the seduction process.

Imagine the following situation:

You have successfully taken a woman (Alice) back to your place and are now in the process of initiating the crucial moment of the seduction. In other words, you’re trying to make a move on her. You know that she likes you and things have gone pretty smoothly for you, so you go with the direct approach. After increasing the sexual tension, you drop the following line:

You: (Looking deep into her eyes) “Alice, you are so fucking sexy, I want you right now, right here.”

Her: (acting all shy and embarrassed and with a low tone of voice): “Gosh stop it, it’s so hot in here, can you open the window?”

You: (ignore her task and keep sexual tension on): “I fantasize about your lips, just come here”

You then put your hand on her cheek, pull her to you, lean in to kiss her and she reciprocates with passion (and follows your leadership).

Now, at first glace, this might seem like it’s not as big of a deal as we make it out to be here. However, had you given in to Alice’s request to open the window, the seduction would have stopped, going from hot and heavy to awkward and the opposite of smooth.

You would have communicated that that she’s the leader in the interaction and that a simple task matters more than the seduction at hand. This would’ve been a huge turn-off for her and that interaction probably wouldn’t have worked out well for the both of you.

Unwavering confidence and dominance can make all the difference between a successful seduction and an awkward attempt at seducing a girl ending with a sexual assault charge.

Leading the right way requires you to know when a woman displays a shit test like the one above. This is clearly a compliance test, with which the woman wants to impose her frame on you. In the example above, the test was overcome by not complying and showing strenght.

If you want to know which types of tests exist and how you can pass them, click the link below to get the secrets to dealing with shit tests effortlessly.

Another important disclaimer

However, this doesn’t mean that you just plow through resistance and try to sleep with a girl who doesn’t want it. If the girl clearly communicates that she doesn’t want to have sex at any point during the seduction process, you better stop. If you’re not sure, you also better stop and pull back a bit.

Women who haven’t had a lot of experience and/ or who have some shame surrounding the whole process of sex, will often stop you at a first attempt. If this is not a hard no, don’t let this hurt your ego! Pull back, do something else and then try again. Women will make it abundantly clear if they don’t want to sleep with you.

We’ve also experienced that sometimes a seduction can go wrong because the girl is so nervous. It’s absolutely no problem to continue later on or even on the next date, assuming you don’t make a big fuss over it.

In such cases, it’s important to communicate that you don’t want to escalate right now, as it doesn’t feel right. Frame in such a way that you seek a win-win situation that you can both enjoy and that you think that this isn’t possible right now. Then tell her that you will continue this at another time when you’re both in a better mindstate.

How women respond to your leadership tells you a lot…

As we’ve previously stated, a woman’s reaction to your leadership speaks volumes in regards to where she stands with you.

However, it also tells you a lot about a woman’s personality. For example, common archetypes of behaviors are:

• Docile and subservient

Some women don’t ever want to lead and are very passive in dating.

These women make it easier for men. They are less likely to screen for very dominant men, but also have a much easier time finding a boyfriend. In addition to this, dominant men like them because they’re easy to be around and make their lives easier. If any woman reads this article, this is the category to be in.

• Rebellious and shit-testing

Dominant women try to lead. They continuously task men and sometimes act catty and rebellious to his leadership.

These women can end up with very dominant men. However, oftentimes they have to settle with very submissive men because they struggle to find a dominant enough man who also happens to like dominant women. Most dominant men don’t like dominant women.

In our opinion, women like this are a pain in the ass. Most high-value guys don’t need a woman who is constantly challenging them, while they’re out being challenged by the world on a day-to-day basis. Instead, these men want to come home to a peaceful woman who makes it easy for them.

• The game players and wannabe leaders

The third category are socially clueless women who want to lead interactions, but don’t know how to lead effectively.

Most of all, they just don’t know how to get a high-value guy. They refuse his leadership and want him to chase, but don’t know how to do it and mostly shoot themselves in the foot.

This is another category to avoid. For men, don’t associate with this type of woman, as they are another pain in the ass.

For women, for the love of god, please don’t be this type. You will only attract low-value guys who are submissive and worship the ground you walk on – and despise them for it. High-quality males will drop you. Then you will probably ask yourself why you never find the right guy.

Cultural Changes with feminism

This is not as much science based as it is an observation from our side.

Feminism has encouraged women to be independent and in no need of a man. This can result in many women giving a high degree of initial pushback against a man’s leadership.

Women who are indoctrinated with feminism may also experience some struggle in being submissive to a man and being led by him. While they still like it, they may face some internal struggle like:

“I love how he leads me, but I’m not being a girlboss queen like society manipulated me into being if I relinquish my control to him”.

We only have anecdotal evidence regarding this, but after a few encounters with such women you’ll probably know what we’re talking about. Frankly, this struggle to accept leadership of a man can result in exaggerated pushback and therefore sour the seduction process.

On the other side of the coin, many women outside the west instead expect a man to take control. They also want him to do that early on and, if the man fails in doing so, encourage him to lead.

Therefore, don’t ask them what they want to do or they will tell you to “decide since you’re the man”. Women from Eastern Europe or Russia are exactly that way, especially if feminism didn’t pollute them yet. You will never hear such a thing from a woman in America.

Recommendation from a Strategy perspective:

In the west, “tactful leadership” rather than “overly-dominant leadership” is even more important for men. However, this is not for reasons of respecting feminism but rather from a perspective of pure efficiency.

That will also help those women avoid the “internal struggle”. On the other hand, if you’re hell bent on living according to your principles and lead with a more domineering approach, you must expect some pushback.

If that is necessary to preserve your morals and standards, so be it.

The best approach would therefore be to calibrate your leadership style depending on the woman you’re dealing with. Screen women for their mindsets when it comes to interactions between men and women and then adapt.

The important thing to notice here is that you lead regardless of the type of woman. Only the way in which you go about it is calibrated depending on the woman.

For women, we recommend a mellower approach to dating. Be more open to the leadership of a man and you will see much better results, especially with higher-quality men.

We speculate that this is also the reason why Asian women are becoming more and more popular today. They are (or are at least perceived to be) more docile and more open to female leadership.

Our recommendation for women

Many women in the west can improve their results and effectiveness in dating by looking at their approach and reaction to male leadership. We encourage you to ask yourself the following questions:

1. Am I too resistant when a man tries to lead?
2. Could I make things easier and smoother for men I like?

Remember, we’re not trying to change you into a complete doormat here. As with all things, balance is the key. Never complying and making things difficult is exactly as bad as always complying with things you do not want to do.

In general, you want to make it easy for the men you like, but also have a say in what you prefer to do or not do.