At Conquer and Elevate, we seek for the quickest way to success. It’s often hard to point out what exactly is the fastest way to achieve this, and especially what principles one should follow in order to achieve success in dating.

Since all strategies, general laws and techniques are based on principles, we want to make sure that you have them in place before reading anything else.

This is because everything else on this blog in regard to dating advice (and future projects) operates on the basis of these principles.

They are a composition of many different sources all across the internet, anecdotal evidence and products.

Here we go:

1: Imbalances attract – Balances Repel

Speaking in a general sense, we could say:

• High value / High power men attract women

Women are attracted to men who gain power and are therefore “better” than they are. Better in this case does not relate in a sense of the human’s general value, but regarding the value in the sexual marketplace.

• Low value / Low impact men make women lose attraction

As soon as women feel like a man is “less” than her due to a loss or lack of power, she loses attraction.

Despite these two principles that are generally true, things are rarely stationary in a social setting. Since men have to make the first move to pursue a woman (and therefore invest more in the beginning), they might start lower in power.

The most important question to ask ourselves is: How can we turn the power balance around?

It’s mostly not how things start but how they progress in later interactions. Take the example further below with the man being negative in power.

Remember hypergamy: If the man is investing 10 and she’s only giving back 3, a woman will subconsciously rationalize that the man must be lower value, since he can’t inspire the interest necessary in order to make the woman invest.

In this case, she will lose attraction and interest and probably back off even more when it comes to her investment.

The man over-investing has 3 choices:

1: Back-off on his investment, show less interest, play more aloof, disempower her (by disqualifying her with game for example), show he has other options, etc.

2: Inspire investment from the woman, i.e. ask her directly to contribute (in a game aware way), tell her to do something to follow her leadership (tasking), display your own value in order to make her invest, bait her to ask questions, etc.

3: Make things happen before she fully notices the value indifference. The man might try to go high-dominance or use a very direct sexual approach in the hopes that his change of tact can lead him to victory (very low odds, but possible under certain circumstances)

The truth of the matter is this: The higher power you go, the better. However, this only works under a set of pretenses that we will explain in the next section. Especially for more game and power aware dudes, you have to be careful, because…

Being too high on the one up can lose you the girl

If a man is coming across as “too” high power / high value, women might ask themselves if this man is “too much” for them.

See, an important mechanism of hypergamy is that women want the best they can do. However, they not only want the best they can do, but also the best they can keep!

Consequently, a man taking all investment a woman makes and using it to increase his own power instead of pulling her up a bit and making things move forward, will most likely lose the woman. She will think: “He probably doesn’t want me” and go cold on you.

There is a mechanism called self-rejection, which is a psychological and social phenomenon consisting of rejecting someone as a way to defend one’s own ego, self-esteem, or social status.

Women go into self-rejection when they give -or when they think they gave- plenty of signals and power to a man, but the man did nothing with it.

If you’re coming across as too high power, this mechanism kicks in women and they will “protect themselves” from associating with a man who will probably break her heart.

This is also why the concept of “alpha widowing” exists in red-pill circles and why women sometimes reject high value men (or block themselves of further associating with them).

The following practical advice is therefore mandatory:

1. When you’re very high SMV / high power, pull her up to your level
2. When women give you a lot, give back or move things forward

Many men struggle to understand this dynamic because men don’t lose attraction when they chase women. On the other hand, women often lose interest when they chase but the man doesn’t lead things forward or invest back.

Alright, let us give you some more strategies you can use on a daily basis:

1. Invest back: you lose some power because you balance things out, but overall often improve the relationship and the odds of intimacy
2. Make her feel good for investing: this is great to maintain high power because you’re only giving back emotionally, which makes you the dispenser of emotional gratification (“the authority”)
3. Qualify her: express why you like her
4. Move the interaction forward: escalate at one of the many possible layers of escalation

2: Power/ Value matters in the context of the relationship

Many people think that you can be either “high power/value” or “low power/value”. There is no such thing as this.

What’s “higher power”, “too much”, “low power” or “too little” is relative and depends on the context of the situation.

Let us give you some examples regarding this principle of dating.

Generally speaking, if you’re pursuing hard, maybe even chasing, and are very open about your interest in a girl, that’s a bad strategy. If you do things that way, you’re giving too much power away, lose too much power, and end up too low power compared to her. The consequence of this is a loss of attraction.

However, if she’s chasing back equally hard and shows the same level of interest as you, it only means that there is a mutual level of interest. In this case the power dynamic has shifted to a place where you’re both on the same level. Win-win!

We can also take this to mean the same in the opposite direction. If she’s relatively disinterested, aloof, unenthusiastic and contributes nothing to the conversation, even two sentences or texts in a row are already chasing and losing power.

In addition to this, if she’s being disrespectful, even being a decent human being is already way too disempowering, unattractive, and generally bad social strategy. In a case like this, you need to take some power back.

As you can see here, the net difference of power here is essentially 6. The man is low-power/value and most likely unattractive to her. This is not only because he invests a lot, but also because she doesn’t.

Most people who opt for direct or super direct approaches don’t get this principle.

We can’t deny that direct openers, compliments or direct expressions of sexual interest can work. However, they will only work very well if it’s already clear that she’s interested in you OR if she’s the type to fall for more sexually aggressive men.

In this case, your interest level is directly matched by hers, you don’t end up with a negative power dynamic and are therefore not low power.

However, there are also cases when a woman doesn’t reciprocate attraction. In these cases, you’ll most likely start out with low power and the seduction process will most likely fail. Countering this dynamic will be discussed in another article, so don’t worry too much for now.

3: If power is not used, you will lose it

The best advice we can therefore give is to use power to grow closer or move on.

As we have discussed above, you have to use your power in dating or the woman will stop investing and self-reject. Women don’t invest or pursue a man forever, so use your power!

Exceptions always apply but generally you’re better off following this general rule.

This means that as a man, you can’t bask in a woman’s attraction and interest, hoping that it will always be there. Because often that’s not the case.

In practical terms for this principle of dating, if the woman pursues you, invests or empowers you, you can:

• Reward her and pull her up, which indirectly says “I also like you”, and increases bonding, mutual liking (higher warmth)
• Move things forward towards intimacy: which also indirectly says “I also like you” and allows the man to move forward quickly and efficiently (higher power)

Generally speaking, the above overlap many times. When you increase emotional intimacy, you also move things forward to physical intimacy. The same is true for the other way around.

Despite these facts, it’s possible to wait too long before initiating physical escalation. The end result of this: The relationship dies out.

Therefore, it still makes sense to differentiate the two.

If you act quickly, then even large positive power imbalances are not an issue.

Men have the most power when she is pursuing heavily from the start and men have no interest in her or only show interest in quick sex.

Men who have almost unlimited access to women date according to those power dynamics, and all they have to do is pick one of the women who chase them.

But those tend to be exceptional cases, so we’re going to focus on how it works in most cases.

For the most part, it’s not the woman who chases heavily in the beginning but the man who makes the first move and drives things forward.

As soon as you’re power-positive, move forward

When it comes to social exchanges, there is a concept called “social overdraft”.

You’re in overdraft when you make a request without enough social goodwill or credit. In these cases, you’re likely to be denied. Frankly, the same concept applies to women.

You can only ask a woman to do something for you or with you and get a “yes” if and when you have enough power to do so.

That power balance starts from the very beginning.

In general, as soon as you move things forward with a woman, i.e. invite her out/ invite her to your place / make a move / etc., you’re indirectly express your interest in that woman. This decreases your power in the situation because you sub-communicate “I want you”.

This also means that you’re already ending up power-negative with just the initial approach if she’s not interested and showing interest back. In other cases, you might fall into power-negative territory even if she’s interested but hasn’t invested anything yet.

In these cases, she will subconsciously rationalize that you must not be high-value enough because she hasn’t invested anything into you yet.

Moving things forward does not work when she is not investing because you don’t have any power and leverage to take it to the next level. You’d go power negative when you escalate without investment, and that doesn’t work.

It’s therefore a good idea to always get something from her and make her invest before you lead her to the next step of seduction. That way, you have accrued some power and leverage to make things happen. This is because when she is investing and interested, you are accruing power.

As we’ve seen, if she’s investing a lot or even chasing, then you might even be forced to move things along a lot quicker.

When she is investing, you want to move things forward by expressing mutual interest and rebalancing the power dynamics towards the “golden balance”.

In other words, perfect dating for most guys means to have her invest, and to move things forward as a reward.

4: Actions done while being power positive lead to quick and effective seductions

This principle of dating requires you to know what we mean with power-positive, which in this case means:

Actions (leading things forward) that are taken while the man has a positive power-balance lead things forward.

You move forward when you’re power-positive, when she likes you, when she recognizes you as a leader and when she wants you to move things forward. That’s when she’s most likely to follow you.

In general, it’s great to be a higher power and it’s perfectly fine to strive to have a lot of power.

However, when we talk about the power-balance when it comes to a man and a woman in dating, effective dating is not about accumulating as much power as possible, but about moving things forward once you have enough power to do so.

We encourage you to think of power like fuel. While you want as much fuel as possible, the car (the power balance) can only be filled up so much before the fuel tank spills over and probably causes issues to it’s s. Accumulate as much fuel as possible to move forward as fast as you can but not more.

Power is fuel to be used, not to be hoarded.

Therefore, in general, effective dating as a man is being slightly more on the power-up side. You want to be higher power than her but not so much higher power, that you’re not moving things forward and/or losing the girl.

Example: Cold approach in the golden balance

Let’s use an example of a street cold approach in the golden balance. Red is losing power, green is gaining power:

If you’ve been observant, you’ll notice that the man loses power every time he moves forward with the interaction.

This is pretty common, especially if you’re not aware about power dynamics, the power balance and are not careful to preserve your power. Don’t worry, you’ll learn how to preserve your power in dating on this website.

This is because trying to move things along often subliminally conveys your interest and frames you as the one chasing.

However, you should not worry about this, as firstly, there are ways to avoid your loss of power.

Secondly, it is a man’s job to move things forward, even if that means losing some power. In order to win, you have to take some “risk”.

The attitude here is key: Many men unconsciously fear the vulnerability of possibly being spurned and power negative.

Think about this: Your goal is not self-protection, but winning.

When she accepts you or follows you, you regain all the power and even increase it. Only if she rejects you, you lose a lot and have to rebuild some before you can try again.

In this example, the man isn’t perfect at keeping his power, but he does a good job of timing his requests, which is perhaps the most important aspect.

He makes his moves when he has just enough power-up, so chances are it will go well. He makes his moves when he’s in the “golden balance.”

Remember, the golden balance of power is how you date quickly and effectively.

Golden balance and effective seduction

Jordan Belfort talks about “straight line persuasion” in many of his products.

Todd Valentine used the same thing to approach dating.

So, following Jordan Belfort’s example, a seduction based on the “golden balance” is a “straight line seduction”:

Above the line 0 she sees you as “above her”.

Once you’re above her, focus on moving things forward rather than acquiring more power.

5. Healthy win-win relationships are in the golden balance

After all, the same principle that applies to dating also applies to relationships:

Win-win relationships that are solid are also generally balanced.

To be clear, while we are talking about a general balance of give and take when it comes to a value exchange, that does not mean “full equality” or “equal power”.

This means that in terms of leadership, we recommend that the man to be the “leader” of the relationship. When it comes to power, we recommend that the man generally is higher power and acts higher power.

However, when it comes to investing, showing interest, caring for each other, etc., a balance of give and take leads to the healthiest, strongest, and most emotionally fulfilling relationships.